Why I quit my morning pages
A surprising discovery of creative expression through input, output, deposits, and withdrawals.
So as a writing coach, and faithful doer of my morning pages, I will be the first to admit that what I’m about to say is contradictory to what I tell my clients and also what I’ve done in the past myself.
Those that know me and have been newsletter subscribers for a while know that after I read The Artist Way by Juilia Cameron in 2021, I’ve done my morning pages ever since.
Every chance I’d get I would encourage my clients to journal daily as it is a great tool to enhance your creativity. (Which I still believe, by the way).
Over the past three years or so, there have been times where it felt more like a chore, a hassle, or something that I was making myself do. But for the most part, I toted around the notion that “morning pages are my sanity” and made every effort and attempt to fit them in — even when it looked differently than I thought it was supposed to.
Afternoon pages became a thing, as did shortening from writing three pages daily to two. This practice filled my cup up and helped me prepare for my day (or process my day). Somewhere along the way they had become a chore— an assignment I had given myself and a means to shame myself if I didn’t get around to doing them.
Yikes. Not only was this attitude about myself and my writing not helping me, but it was actually hindering me — creatively and spiritually.
Enter the 100-day project challenge.
Ok first you have to know something about me, I am notorious for piling stuff on my plate and never taking anything off. You know when you go to buffet, and everything looks good, so you want to try it all and end up overloading your plate?
Then when you get back to table to sit down and start eating you are no longer excited, but overwhelmed at all of the different food you put on your plate?
That’s a little about how I was feeling going into the beginning of the 100-day challenge the middle of last month, hopeful, excited and experiencing a major case of FOMO (FOMO= fear of missing out).
Along those lines, I thought that if journaling had been so good for me, then imagine what adding a daily painting practice could do.
Kinda like extra whipped cream or hot fudge on my sundae. More is sometimes good, but other times more is just too much (agree to disagree here with those of you that are major hot fudge or whipped cream lovers)! But if we are overloading ourselves with too many things, or our ice cream sundae with too many toppings, then the flavor of the ice cream gets lost.
By adding the painting with the journaling and trying to juggle everything else, the flavor of the ice cream had gotten lost.
The richness and the sensory experience of my creative practice had become dull. Instead of living each day, I was just trying to make it through each day.
Resist the need for more.
I have that on my phone lock screen, and even though I see it several times a day when I go to unlock my phone, I still missed the mark and found myself searching for more.
I think what got the better of me was my expectations of what it would look like to add painting to my creative practice and have time for morning pages and coaching, editing, and other creative work. Oh, and take care of my family, I can’t forget about them.
One of my social media posts from a few weeks ago talked about displaying courage and bravery by sharing your art with the world. And while I do think I am absolutely practicing courage and bravery by sharing my art with the world, I think there is a lesser talked about “quiet courage”.
Mary Demuth made a post on her Instagram about painting every year during lent, but this year she was dealing with some things, and it wasn’t serving her so instead of keeping up with it (dreading it) to meet her own expectations — she lay it down.
I’ve tried to find my exact words in response to her post, but I’m pretty sure I ended up saying something along the lines of,
It takes more courage to stop doing things than it does to push through sometimes.
The quiet courage when you let go of something that you used to serve you so well, but for whatever reason isn’t yielding the fruit that it once did.
I’ve since given myself permission to view my new creative practice as the next step — knowing that you can’t move forward if you are stuck on one step (or even if you have one foot on each step).
I have not given up journaling completely, but I have created space for my art to take over the need to check “morning pages” off my to-do list. In addition to watercolor, I’ve found myself doing other things that I didn’t think I had time for — different types of Creative Input.
Creative Input: What I’ve been reading
One of the creative input activities that I’ve found myself having time for making a priority is reading. And since I’ve discovered the beauty of audio books (hello audible)! I’ve been able to absorb several different books in just 3 short months. Granted, most of these books are similar to what my book is/will be (so reading counts a research) but one of these days I want to read a book for pure delight.
Here is a list of what I’ve read and some of the key takeaways I’ve had. I’m also including Amazon links (affiliate) if you’re interested in learning more or purchasing them!
Create Anyway: The Joy of Pursuing Creativity in the Margins of Motherhood by Ashlee Gadd- This book was such a sweet reminder that God sees us in our everyday lives and provides with many opportunities to exercise our creativity — even in the mundane.
Breaking Free of busy: A Mum's Guide to Living with Ease and Confidence by Susanne Gerstmyer- As someone who also appreciates and values all things cognitive-behavioral (i.e. mindset)— I love this book. Her break-down of the different modes of busy and warning signs are invaluable. She includes practice tips and examples as well; I believe it’s a must-read for all my fellow “busy doers”.
Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown- This has been a book I’ve wanted to read for a while, and it did not disappoint. I resonate with much of what Brown says regarding courage, compassion, and connection. This book read like an entire call-to-action… not just read and absorb but read and apply (this is what any nonfiction book should be about — personal transformation for the reader).
Get Signed: Find an Agent, Land a Book Deal, and Become a Published Author- Lucinda Halpern- I stumbled on this book from a well know book coach sharing about it on Instagram. It was an easy read and confirmed much of what I’ve spend a lot of time and effort focusing on as it relates to my current book idea. The most valuable gems for me in this book included query letter templates and sample letters.
Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L’Engle- (currently in progress)
Creative Output: What I’ve been making
Pictures. Here are some of the watercolor paintings I’ve been doing. (side note: someone commented on my “watercolor series” — I almost fell out of my chair!) The fact that these were referred to as a series just solidified to me that in addition to being a writer, I am, despite all my fears and reservations — an artist.
I recently submitted an article to Calla Press’s Literary Journal, and I’m pleased to announce that it has been accepted and will be published in the new few months.
…And I’ve finally ripped off the band-aid and have queried two agents! I have several more and some small publishing houses to send to as well — but it’s a start!
Balance is not the goal: aim for creative deposits (input) and withdrawals (output)
Here are some questions you might ask yourself as you determine your creative deposits and withdrawals. In the coaching world this also referred to as an energy audit, but I’ve adapted it slightly to focus on creativity.
Is what I’m doing energizing me or depleting me?
What are my creative deposits? Creative withdrawals?
Take inventory of your creative endeavors. On a daily basis, what is my average number of creative withdrawals? Creative deposits?
How does this translate to a week, or even a month?
Do you consider morning pages (journaling) as a withdrawal or deposit? What about artist dates?
Is there anything that you are doing that you need to let go of?
Challenge: Add more creative deposits to your day. This doesn’t have to be anything crazy; it can be as simple as taking a picture with your phone, or just going on a walk.
Don’t forget to replenish your writing and creative reserve, my friends.
As always, I’m cheering you on in your writing and creative journey!
Great post!! Great insights! Love the art❤️